Climbing the Mountain

So, in my ongoing quest to make myself a more well-rounded, happier, and generally better person, I pushed myself (and my boyfriend) yesterday to do something a little different with our afternoon... Hiking!  Charlottesville, I've been told, is chock full of great hiking trails that I had taken advantage of approximately one time since starting at the University of Virginia almost six years ago.  (Better late than never, right?)  Despite my extremely limited knowledge of outdoorsy opportunities, I had heard of Humpback Rock before; it seems to be kind of like the quintessential Charlottesville hiking trail, probably because it leads to such a breathtakingly beautiful summit.

The hike up is only one mile but felt much longer due to the steep incline.  Sweat was pouring down my face and I had to stop a couple times to catch my breath.  Nothing like a rocky, uphill trail to remind you how out of shape you are.  (I'm working on it...)  But, as is usually the case, the tough part didn't last forever... And then we were rewarded with sunny skies, a nice breeze, and a huge rock on which we could rest and take in the awesome views of the Rockfish and Shenandoah Valleys.

Honing my photography skills from the summit

And how did I feel afterwards?  Refreshed and accomplished.  Which makes me wonder... Why does it take me so long to do these things, anyway?  Inertia, I suppose.  And the energy it takes to force myself out of my comfort zone.  More than anything else, depression saps my energy.  But more and more, I'm finding that pushing past the inertia and getting out there to do things (even things as uninteresting as running errands) has a powerful and lasting effect on my energy reserve.  More so than any antidepressant I've ever taken (and without any of the annoying side effects).  But my feelings on antidepressants are another story for another day.  I'll leave you with a picture from the hike that sums up my feelings on the experience:

Success!  Wemmy made it!

Pets are the Best

Seraphina, my ten-month-old kitten, is curled up next to me right now, an eight-pound ball of calico fluff snoozing peacefully away.  I've had her for a little over three months now; my boyfriend got her for me from the SPCA as one of my Christmas presents.  I had been stalking the SPCA website for several months prior to that, googly-eyed over the adorable animals, obsessed with the idea of getting a pet.  I have a one-bedroom apartment (that actually doesn't allow dogs or cats, whoops...) so a dog was really out of the question.  I figured that a cat might be do-able, though -- small, quiet, and strictly indoor.  And so far, so good.  The only damage Phina has done is to my couch (which she has clearly decided is the only acceptable scratching post).  And although she is actually quite vocal, I'm pretty sure that her expressive mewing isn't actually audible outside my apartment.

But with a little cat comes big responsibility, let me tell you.  In the relatively short period of time that I've had her, I've spent hundreds of dollars on food, kitty litter, toys, and (primarily) vet bills.  She's just recently gotten over a ringworm infection that landed her in the vet every week for a month for medicated baths (after which she had to air dry all day with a cone on her head).  And before that, I had to give her an oral antibiotic (which she hated) twice a day for a couple weeks to treat a fever and poor appetite.  This was no easy task.  I had to wrap her up in a towel like a kitty-burrito and force the medicine in her mouth as she squirmed and cried and buried her head.  It was torture.  But, we got through it, and she finally seems to be thriving.

The reason I'm sharing all of this, however, is because I've come to the realization that for someone who struggles with chronic, mild to moderate depression (as I have for years), having a pet can be a real mood-lifter.  Not only is Phina cute and quirky and fun to take pictures of, but she is also a real, living, breathing thing that depends on me for, well, everything.  And if I do a good job, I reap the benefits of having a furry companion who shows me affection and follows me around my home and makes me chuckle with her antics.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't exactly reveled in shoveling out money to make her healthy, but it certainly has made me become more invested in the well-being of this creature.  The ample time I've spent transporting her to and from the vet and attempting to squirt medicine into her mouth and researching anything and everything about cat behavior online would have otherwise been spent doing, well, what exactly?  Probably nothing productive.  Napping, most likely.  Or mindlessly perusing celebrity gossip blogs.  At this point in my life, as I flounder anxiously between finishing college and starting a full-time job, having a pet to take care of has given me something very tangible to focus my energy on and a resultant sense of accomplishment.  And as anyone who has ever been depressed knows, feeling like you've accomplished even the smallest task can sometimes feel like a pretty big deal.

Seraphina.  Pretty cute, huh?

Monday Music

Somehow this past week has gotten away from me and it's already time again for my weekly lyrics post.  I'm glad that I came up with the "Monday Music" feature (despite its super boring title) because it keeps me coming back at least somewhat regularly to blog.  (Maybe I should think of another weekly feature?)  So, without further ado, I present to you (all my thousands of loyal readers, ha... ha...) the third "Monday Music" song selection: "Strip Me," by Natasha Bedingfield.

No, not as naughty as it sounds.  It's really about one person's ability to have seemingly everything taken away from her and still be able to express herself to make a difference.  I think it also speaks to the virtues of living simply (something I'm making more of an effort to do these days) -- how we can get rid of so much extraneous stuff our lives and still be OK, because what really matters (our thoughts, our feelings, our souls, our voices, etc.) are still intact.  I heard this song in the movie Morning Glory (decent movie, adorable Rachel McAdams) and liked the melody right away, so, as is often the case, I did a little Googling to find the lyrics.  Natasha Bedingfield seems to gravitate toward writing happy, inspirational songs (think: "Unwritten" and "Pocketful of Sunshine") and "Strip Me" is no exception.  It'll leave you feeling empowered and energized.  Take a look at some of the lyrics:

Every day I fight for all my future somethings
A thousand little wars I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime earning things that I don't need
But that's like chasing rainbows and coming home empty

And if you strip me, strip it all away
If you strip me, what would you find
If you strip me, strip it all away
I'll be alright

Take what you want, steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I'll just scream
I'm only one voice in a million
But you ain't taking that from me 

I don't need a microphone
To say what I've been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
That's always on eleven

'Cause when it all boils down at the end of the day
It's what you do and say that makes you who you are
Makes you think about it, doesn't it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice

(Just realizing now that all of the artists I've featured so far have been British!  Even the coach on my workout podcasts!  Weird, and completely unintentional.  Thinking of some real, good ol', down home country American music I can use next week...)

 

Monday Music

This past week I've been contemplating which lyrics I wanted to spotlight today, and although I came up with several good options, I decided to go with Leona Lewis' song "Happy."  I've adored this song from the moment I first heard it (on perezhilton.com, I'm ashamed to admit, but oh well).   Not only is her voice stunningly beautiful, but the lyrics in this song are a compelling reminder that no matter what life throws at you, it is within your power to make the best of it and find your own personal happiness.  We each have the ability to live in the moment and to constantly challenge ourselves to step outside of our comfort zones.  Here are some of my favorite lyrics:

I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me
So what it I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
 
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I'm just trying to be happy

Holding on tightly
Just can’t let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear

But all these days
They feel like they’re the same
Just different faces
Different names
Get me out of here

So any turns that I can't see
I'll become a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going

Cliché post title, I know, but when you really stop to think about it... Isn't it true?  There's a reason certain expressions become trite and overused and stand the test of time: Because usually, they're right.

Anyway, as you may have surmised from the title, things have been kind of tough for me lately.  I always feel a little guilty for complaining about my life at all, because I am acutely aware that compared to many, many, many people, I've got it made.  I remind myself of this whenever I find that I'm stuck in self-pitying tunnel vision and need a good, swift kick of reality to the butt.

That being said, I don't think that being relatively lucky in life means that I'm obligated to minimize any and all feelings of sadness or anxiety I ever have about the way things are going.  Even the luckiest of us don't wake up to rainbows and butterflies every morning.  I won't go into great detail, but there are a few areas of my life that have been causing me quite a bit of distress lately.  And although I may sometimes feel like I'm floundering, I'm determined to keep my head above water.  Which brings me to the piece about how "the tough get going."  I'm getting going, literally.  By starting The Couch to 5K Plan!

That's right, Wemmy here is exercising for the first time in a looong time.  Every fiber of my being rejects the idea of working out these days, but I'm forcing myself to do it because - shocker! - I feel so accomplished and alive and generally happier once I'm done.  I found these great, free podcasts on iTunes that make the workouts feel a lot easier.  The "coach" has a cute British accent and the songs they play during the intervals are fun and upbeat.  I'm definitely a fan.  And more importantly, I really am proud of myself for "getting going" in the face of a tough situation, when it would be all too easy to retreat and wallow in sadness.  I've found that the absolute best antidote to depression is simply doing something.  It can feel unimaginably hard to take that first step, but you just gotta do it, one step at a time.

Requisite motivational running picture

Monday Music

Sometimes there's nothing more uplifting and inspiring than meaningful song lyrics. I stumbled across the song "Wonderful" by Gary Go when I was watching a trailer for Disneynature's movie Oceans (which looks awesome, by the way).  I immediately loved the melody but didn't know how great the lyrics were until I searched for them later online.  Here are a few that really struck a chord with me:

The person that you were has died
You've lost the sparkle in your eyes
You fell for life into its traps
Now you wanna bridge the gaps
Now you want that person back

And all your ammunition's gone
Run out of fuel to carry on
You don't know what you wanna do
You've got no pull to pull you through 

Say "I am," say "I am"
Say "I am wonderful"

If what you've lost cannot be found
And the weight of the world weighs you down
No longer with the will to fly
You stop to let it pass you by
Don't stop to let it pass you by
You've gotta look yourself in the eye

'Cause we are all miracles
Wrapped up in chemicals
We are incredible
Don't take it for granted, no...